Sunday, June 17, 2007

Smiling Salmon

Tonight I saved a guy's life with salmon sperm

Seriously...

And it got me to thinking - How the fuck did they find out that worked??

We've all read those bizarre household tips and wondered how they realised how it worked. Who discovered that if you poured white wine on a red wine stain, it disappeared. Was someone so pissed they managed to spill both kinds of wine and woke up next morning dreading the cleanup to discover they didn't have to?

Anyway, I digress, back to the sperm

Tonight we had a guy who had been given too much Heparin. In order to stop him bleeding to death, we gave him Protamine. Which is salmon sperm

So, I got visuals of the discovery

Picture the scene

A guy is out in the wilderness. Hes getting his kicks from rubbing off a salmon when he catches his hand on a rock and cuts himself. He starts bleeding really badly because he's on blood thinners. However the salmon shoots its load all over the guys hand and it clots off and stops bleeding.

Eureka!!

but then that brings me to my next pondering

How do they collect it??


Is it like collecting milk from a cow? Are there salmon farms with salmon swimming around, suckers attached to their winkies?

Hey - Do salmon even have winkies?

Do they then die with a smile on their face and we then eat them?
God, the visuals.....

I also discovered this whilst googling


Hmmm, Pacific Northwest eh..... - who are they running from?

4 comments:

HK said...

Had to cross-post my comment from Myspace:

Remind me to eat only female salmon from now on X-P

And as for who they're running from-- hmm, Pacific Northwest? They're probably running from all those lawyers up in Salem, Oregon.

Px said...

salmon sperm
seriously?
that's f'd up

Natalia said...

OMG...I am seriously laughing myself silly over here. And it totally reminded me of this medicine in Argentina. My sister Monica used to get sunburned really easily. There was this white medicated lotion, and one of the primary elements in it was whale sperm. We used to make fun of her because she had it all over her shoulders. I never quite thought about who might jerk off the whale. ROTFL!

-N

LuzLunaEv said...

You should hear what Amerian Indian Witch doctors use......