No Smoke Without Fire

Mr Rat lived in the dirty muddy waters of the city's River. He grew bored of scouraging around the discarded supermarket trolleys and car tyres at low tide looking for food with his brothers and sisters and decided that a life of adventure was for him. He said goodbye to his teary eyed mother and listened to the lecture from his stern faced father. "You'll get nowhere, my son" he bellowed "nothing good comes from setting ideas above your station, you'll be back, mark my words"

Mr Rat didn't listen. He knew his fortune was to be found in the place where the beings lived. His only worry was he had heard they got rat arsed on the weekends. He wasn't sure why they would want his arse but had also been told they usually dropped kebabs while rat arsed and that could only be a good thing right?

Mr Rat scurried along the streets. The city seemed to fall further and further away and he grew tired. He suddenly saw a hole into a house and decided to stop and rest.

Mr Rat had stopped at Mr Longbeards house. Little did Mr Longbeard know that he had gained a house guest. Mr Rat grew hungry and desperate and soon began chewing the plasterboard he found all around the house. He tunneled through making secret passages and roaming around at night. The lure of the big city was soon forgotten

Mr Longbeard soon realised he had a guest. He spent days trying to find Mr Rat but Mr Rat proved elusive. Mr Longbeard didn't know what to do. The rat catcher had been found enticing children with his merry song and was currently banged up in the paedophile wing of the local jail. Oh, what was he to do?

After days of pondering and being driven mad by the scurrying of Mr Rat all around his house and unable to keep up with the shreds of plasterboard strewn around the floors, he decided direct action was required.

Mr Longbeard crept into his bedroom. He'd heard the scurrying moments before and was sure Mr Rat was there. He dug into his pocket and pulled out........

A Smoke Bomb!!!!

He set off the smoke bomb but Oh NO! the smoke bomb set his beard alight. Mr Longbeard dropped the bomb in fright and it set his clothes alight. How Mr Rat laughed in glee at the sight of this man hopping around the bedroom

Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grubb raced in their fire engine to Mr Longbeard's house.Mr Longbeard was saved and rushed to the local hospital


Where, on hearing the story, this here nurse unashamedly laughed.......

Edit - For those confused about the firemen, please google Trumpton (oh the joys of childhood TV). Oh and I now have Tom Jones singing Smoke bomb not sex bomb in my head..