Cwtches..

Hug, cwtch, cuddle, huggle, cuggle, bear hug, bunny hug, caress, clasp, clinch, lock, squeeze. Whatever you call it, everyone needs one at sometime.
This video made me smile

Go hug someone..

No Smoke Without Fire

Mr Rat lived in the dirty muddy waters of the city's River. He grew bored of scouraging around the discarded supermarket trolleys and car tyres at low tide looking for food with his brothers and sisters and decided that a life of adventure was for him. He said goodbye to his teary eyed mother and listened to the lecture from his stern faced father. "You'll get nowhere, my son" he bellowed "nothing good comes from setting ideas above your station, you'll be back, mark my words"

Mr Rat didn't listen. He knew his fortune was to be found in the place where the beings lived. His only worry was he had heard they got rat arsed on the weekends. He wasn't sure why they would want his arse but had also been told they usually dropped kebabs while rat arsed and that could only be a good thing right?

Mr Rat scurried along the streets. The city seemed to fall further and further away and he grew tired. He suddenly saw a hole into a house and decided to stop and rest.

Mr Rat had stopped at Mr Longbeards house. Little did Mr Longbeard know that he had gained a house guest. Mr Rat grew hungry and desperate and soon began chewing the plasterboard he found all around the house. He tunneled through making secret passages and roaming around at night. The lure of the big city was soon forgotten

Mr Longbeard soon realised he had a guest. He spent days trying to find Mr Rat but Mr Rat proved elusive. Mr Longbeard didn't know what to do. The rat catcher had been found enticing children with his merry song and was currently banged up in the paedophile wing of the local jail. Oh, what was he to do?

After days of pondering and being driven mad by the scurrying of Mr Rat all around his house and unable to keep up with the shreds of plasterboard strewn around the floors, he decided direct action was required.

Mr Longbeard crept into his bedroom. He'd heard the scurrying moments before and was sure Mr Rat was there. He dug into his pocket and pulled out........

A Smoke Bomb!!!!

He set off the smoke bomb but Oh NO! the smoke bomb set his beard alight. Mr Longbeard dropped the bomb in fright and it set his clothes alight. How Mr Rat laughed in glee at the sight of this man hopping around the bedroom

Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grubb raced in their fire engine to Mr Longbeard's house.Mr Longbeard was saved and rushed to the local hospital


Where, on hearing the story, this here nurse unashamedly laughed.......

Edit - For those confused about the firemen, please google Trumpton (oh the joys of childhood TV). Oh and I now have Tom Jones singing Smoke bomb not sex bomb in my head..

HP and the OOP

I usually don't like the HP films on first watching. I compare to the book, mostly unfavourably. I'm looking forward to the book 7 release more than the film 5 release, both in July. But, I have to be honest, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix looks good..
Bethan gets scared in parts of the films so usually we wait for the DVD but I've decided that if I can travel half way across the world on my own, I can probably manage to go to the pictures on my own, so on my own I shall go. I know, I'm a sad loner, feel sorry for me. Actually don't, I'm quite happy in my own little world

Defender of the Burg

Apparently Gwent has a new High Sheriff

I didn't know we had an old one.

Firstly, Gwent is supposed to no longer exist. I no longer know where I live. Wales changed it's Counties a while back and Gwent disappeared, but sometimes I still live there, or I might live in Monmouthshire or I might live in Newport which makes my address Newport Newport

but I digress.

Back to the Sheriff - does our Sheriff look like this?

No, I'm afraid he doesn't. Our sheriff looks like this..

Is he going to ride into town, oops sorry, city, and rid of us of the evil outlaws?

No

Lieutenant Colonel Michael Harry's duties are to include attending civic functions and any royal visits to the area.

Right..

50 ways to be the Nightmare Girlfriend..

Autumn did a bulletin on My Space with her views on "50 things she wishes you knew". So, I went to the web page and took a look.

These lists are dumb..
Not every woman is the same
Men should not follow these lists

So, as I should be studying for tomorrows exams, of course I'm going to procastinate and give my views. Heres the list, with my comments attached

1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or following sex doesn't count. - It does count, in fact it's hot, but it's nice to hear it at other times too.

2. Real men drive stick shift. - I don't care what you drive although the majority in the UK drive a stick, so what..

3. I will leave if you lie. - Lyings a no-no, but leaving depends on what it is and why.

4. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts).- You are cute in anything.

5. I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so. - Sometimes thinking about worse case scenario is inevitable, but not always.

6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear. - Agreed.

7. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look. - I don't ask. Its nice when a guy comments on what you're wearing without being asked but theres no point asking if the guy has learnt that "You look fantastic" is the correct response and just says it.

8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you. - If I'm into a guy, he's all I fantasise about.

9. I'm terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.- My mum rocks, if I end up half the woman she is, I'd be happy.

10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you. - Agreed. I have girly moments so shoot me..

11. I expect you to call me. - At least sometimes, same with emailing. I don't like being first ALL the time but communication is a two way thing.

12. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants. - Not even rock stars.

13. I'm scared of losing my independence.- Lost it years ago as soon as I had kids.

14. I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be. - True.

15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick. - While I'll never say no to oral sex, its not essential. If you're in the dog house, admitting you were wrong works. Then you can go down on me..Oh and no shoes, boots maybe and some undies would be preferable.

16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not. (See directly above.) Why does this woman advocate playing games?

17. If I'm not having sex with you, I'm... a. ...having a fat day. b. ...not feeling "connected" to you. c. ...blackmailing you to get something I want. If Im not having sex with you it's because I dont feel like it although with you that wouldn't happen. Again, not all women use sex as a game/ punishment.

18. Shoes determine whether you're fashionable or not.- No they don't

19. I own a Debbie Gibson CD, and I'm not afraid to use it. Uh..what? why?

20. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.- Say nothing if you agree or Im being a whinging bitch. Saying you like my mummy tummy and kissing it all over to prove it does nicely

21. A man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we're just going to the movies. - Not required, by me anyway. Being thoughtful in normal ways is better. Like topping up the gas in your car, making sure I know where Im going in a unfamiliar city, making sure Im safe

22. You look hot in hooded clothing items. - You'd look like a dork in hooded clothing..

23. You should never tell me what to do. - Why not? If I don't know tell me. Oh, and I love it when your masterful...

24. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast. - You wouldn't have the time to make me breakfast..

25. My breasts love much licking and sucking. - Obviously

26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes. - Unless I don't like you, then I'll say no

27. I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice. - Why wouldn't you. Geez the girl that wrote this has problems..

28. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead. - Again a two way thing

29. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color.- Wear what you're comfortable in, you'll look hot

30. I want to be Madonna. - No, I don't, really

31. Women get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers. - I'm not a china doll, normal hygiene will suffice

32. I'm in heaven when you hold my hand.- It's nice, very nice sometimes but in heaven may be a slight exaggeration

33. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby. - You're always sexy

34. I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now. - I'd rather an infrequent compliment when you really mean it than daily compliments cos you think you should. When a guy who doesn't compliment much then says something sweet, it means far more.

35. Surprises, especially gifts for moi = more loving. - I love you anyway, you don't have to buy me

36. I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you--and for you to recognize this. - The girl that wrote this is clingy, needy and neurotic

37. If I'm not feeling loved, I will start looking....No I won't. I'll probably jump you as you walk through the door.

38. Discussion of ex-gf's and ex-bf's should be avoided at all times. - Continual references maybe, but we've all had a past.

39. I like it when you tell me what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself. - How can you tell me if you don't know?

40. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it's only been a few months, earns major bonus points. - Months? get real.

41. I love it when you're sweaty. - This depends. If you've got in from the gym, go shower. If you're lying on top of me, out of breath and sweaty, thats different..

42. It's best to consult your gal pals for gift ideas. - If you want to go ahead, if its from you Ill love it. If not, Ill take it back..

43. A lady should always be greeted with kisses. - Who wants to be a lady? OK, seriously, kisses are nice, if you mean them

44. I like porn. - Yep

45. I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands. - I love touching you anywhere

46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public. - I can't comment, I'm not a nice girl..

47. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read...- probably

48. For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat. - thats kinda obvious

49. I remember everything about our relationship. - I remember the very good and the very bad. I doubt I remember everything

50. You should know all this and more without my telling you. - Really, no, you shouldn't know some of these cos they're crap

This woman reveals some of the worst no-nos in a relationship. Lighten up! Have fun and stop playing games with your bloke. This reminds me of the movie, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. The same mistakes are made over and over and dumb lists like this prove it.

Birthday Hotness

Jenna complains I have had no porn recently - I take it she means hot men. And, as Amanda has reminded me it's delightful, delicious Ewan's Birthday, what better way to celebrate than to feast your eyes on him. So Happy birthday to my future hubby.

Shamelessly Stolen from a Sheep

What do you think of Me?

Just fill in the blanks with the first thing that comes to your mind

1. I__________LISA
2. LISA is_________
3. When I think of LISA I think of_________
4. I want LISA to________
5. If I were alone in a room with LISA I would__________
6. I think LISA should________
7. LISA needs to_______
8. I want to_________LISA
9. If I could describe LISA in one word, it would be_________
10. LISA will_________
11. LISA can_________my________
12. I hope LISA will never_________
13. I_________LISA because_________

Things that make me go ewwww

Oh Dear God..

Children like nothing better than to dress up in their parents’ clothes. Now you can put those old clothes that no longer fit you to good use by creating a whole new wardrobe for your child, and save yourself lots of money at the same time!



Use the ideas and instructions in this revolutionary book to create girl’s dresses from men’s shirts, jumpers from slacks, cardigans from sweatshirts, dresses from skirts and knit shirts, jackets, skirts and hats from sweaters, hooded vests and backpacks from sweatshirts, and much, much more. Plus, once you get the hang of renovating your old clothes into new outfits, you’ll be able to create a multitude of styles and designs from your own ideas!

It's not often words fail me but what the hell? Anyone who thinks this is a good idea is truly not fit to procreate - the book should be retitled:

"Ways to ruin your Child's life Forever" - 50 ways to ensure your child is ridiculed and friendless for the whole of their childhood. Oh, and gets food thrown at them

And another thing - slacks - Ive bolded the word slacks

I hate slacks. I hate the word slacks, I really do. It makes me cringe almost as much as the words peel-off face mask. I know, I have issues....

Now I have a feeling Americans use the word slacks for any casual trousers. But to me, it brings up memories of trousers worn when I was growing up. They were in the foulest of polyester type material, elasticated waists and an array of garish colours. And pleats, oh god the pleats..

For pity sakes, these are for men! The blurb is enchanting though..

Though sometimes associated with a certain Florida look - we're talking more 'West Palm Beach Resort', as opposed to 'South Beach Versace' - one can not nevertheless deny that Sansabelt slacks are in a league all their own when it comes to comfortable men's wear, second probably only to the Scottish kilt. And as for style, well after all, you don't want a belt marring the sleek silhouette of a slinky nylon Nik-Nik and slacks, do you? In plum poly gabardine, these Sansabelt slacks have that smooth, flattering style, with horizontal front and welted rear pockets and a tabbed waistband.

Plum, Plum? They're fucking pink!! and, uh, slinky nylon nik-nik - are they talking about not marring the slinky silhouette of cock? Or is that just me?

My mum still wears them. In the house I may add - lounge wear. Hearing my mum telling me she's bought a lovely pair of slacks make me shudder

It's on my list. The list I have that tells my children when to kill me. Nestled in with sensible shoes and plastic rain hats, it's there.

What do you mean you don't have such a list? Surely you have the list.

It's a Sign

Helly has noticed that I have a hidden talent for being photographed unawares next to signs.

The first was taken in Paris on a friend's hen weekend (bachelorette party). Too many drinks 'cause kicking in the air, one more leads to temporary blindness

Hmm, I might add that Shaun IM'd me his comment to this pic - The sign says "Temporary Blindness" it depends on where you're looking - thanks cheeky boy..

When Helly and Shaun visited me in Wales, Shaun took a photo of me deep in thought and quite frankly looking goofy. Right next to a "Disabled" sign.

Then there's the infamous photo that got me in trouble over at Grab.com when I enraged the Christian Grandma Brigade by blogging my bottle blow job shot. That was taken under the "Celebrate Christmas Here" sign. And what better way to celebrate Christmas than with a blow job....

Then my trip to LA. Ev took a picture of me looking slightly wasted in the limo. I, of course, blame the jet lag rather than the drink. When we checked out the photos later, I'm strategically shot under a sign that simply says "Wrong"


And finally a pic that only Brian will understand. It's his favourite place from his years of puberty and sexual discovery, the Dairy. And next to it an advert for cigarettes, Newport Pleasure. For those that don't know, I live in Newport.

And some may say I'm a pleasure..

Lisa Does LA

Not to be confused with Debbie does Dallas...

Saturday afternoon I flew into a very hot LA to be met by Helly and Todd. Todd recognised me from my Myspace pic and said "Hi Lisa" - too cute. After a hurried never ending pizza and pasta dinner we got to Hellys place. She gave me 20 minutes to get ready - 20 minutes!!

Ev and Anna arrived in their "car" to pick us up and here came surprise number 1 - a limo was waiting at the end of the drive - too cool! Then surprise number 2 - flowers for me from Anna were waiting in the limo - I'm such a princess..

And so began the drinking - champagne was on ice and it would have been rude not to drink it so drink it we did

Ev had picked out a Sushi and karaoke bar in Hollywood. Anyone who knows me knows Im totally unadventurous when it comes to food but I did try the sushi

We then went to the karaoke room, which was empty at first but soon filled up. They were obviously regulars and were really good! I felt like I was at American Idol, some of them had fantastic voices. I of course sat and chair danced, there was no way I was getting up there..

Helly and Ev however did...

We did a lot of people watching, naming them as we tend to do. There was obnoxious guy who thought he owned the place, Hillbilly guy, so named cos of his checked shirt, cool guy who did a great male rendition of Oops I did it again and of course, cute guy. Cute guy, or Patrick as we now know him did a great lets get it on. I made the mistake of naming him cute guy and then the scheming began. I ended up having my pic with him after Helly practically threw me at him...

Whilst outside smirting, I met Ken from San Diego. He was also pretty cute. He dedicated a song to Lisa from Wales. He was however a bit serious about his singing and watching him throw himself on the floor would have been pretty funny when I was sober. Being drunk by now, it was hysterical. His name also made me think of Barbie...

Hysterical was also Anna's new friend. He'd been asleep wasted in the corner where we were sat and then turned over and made himself comfy on Anna

A fun time was had by all. For 4 girls who had never met, apart from me and Helly, we got on well. it was a great introduction to LA. Hillbilly guy kindly took photos of the four of us

We headed home and both helly and Anna took advantage of the luxurious surroundings of the limo

The middle pic is proof that I am a very loving drunk....

After dropping Helly off we ended our night at Evs

Thanks girls for a great night out!!

Update, kinda

I've been told off for neglecting my kids and not blogging

I will blog about my trip but probably not till I get home

But highlights of last night's Ninja karaoke

I had a limo - I am a princess..
I had flowers
I ate sushi
Helly sang as did Ev. Myself and Anna chose to support from our chairs
I gave a cute guy this blog address
They take karaoke seriously over here, I thought I was at American Idol
Ken from San Diego made me think of Barbie
I refused to dance with the Hillbilly
Anna ended up with a guy in her lap, passed out
I got Ev drunk

Photos to follow..

Im Hot!!

Someone googled Hot Tales of Lisa and got my blog

This amuses me

Thanks to everyone who sent me a pic of their Welshness. It was much appreciated. I will remember the ones that didn't and will make them play next year

I can't get this song out of my head so I thought I'd share

Oh, and a question - Does peanut butter go off? Just wondering. If it does, it's too late, I've eaten it.

World Domination

Dydd Gwyl Dewi Hapus!

Happy St David's Day!

My quest for the world to celebrate St David's Day is starting slowly.

Lets start with me. This is how I went to work today. I then had my hair cut with people singing the Welsh National Anthem loudly in the pub opposite. I then went to see my parents, expecting my mum to have made Welshcakes, but alas no, I had to make do with choccy biccies. I came home to be told by my glum daughter that her house didn't win the Eisteddfod. But back to world domination....


And my daughter who wont wear traditional costume as she claims to be "too old" and wears her Wales rugby shirt instead

And here is Helly, from LA, USA, proudly sporting her red top to work - thanks Helly!

Brian, from Oregon, USA, has a Wales mug - he claims its full of coffee but we all know Brian...

He's also blogged about St David - thank you Brian!

Inog claims to have the first daffodil of his garden sitting proudly in his office. I will try for photographic evidence.

This is Khaled, Helly's friend from UCSB. He hails from Egypt and the USA and is ready for world domination

Next, Jenna from Canada looking cute in her red shirt and daffodil hairclip


And omg, I got an Englishman to celebrate a Welsh day - way to go Shaun, is that a smile or a grimace...

And Allan ( Helly's hubby) and their son Todd

Dirty Dancing

Oh god, it's another silly wedding dance....

Remember this?

Now we have this

Harry - Cornet Wales

I was going to post this earlier and then Allie beat me to it. But as a Brit, here's my take

Now Harry, as in Prince Harry, is son number 2. That makes him, well, nothing really. Dear old granny is still on her throne, meaning daddy is still waiting to have his go. This means William will have to wait his turn too. So Harry has no chance. He is the equivalent to Princess Margaret. While her sister Elizabeth (same birthday as me btw, I waited for someone important before I made my entrance a month late) took on royal duties, Margaret was a Royal slut. Fags, booze and men..

So, Harry can be the rebel. And rebel he is. While William has chosen an English Rose for his rumoured-to-be future wife and Queen, Harry has some slapper from South Africa. He rolls out of Nightclubs drunk, is pictured with numerous young ladies when his girlfriend isn't in town and usually has a cigarette in his mouth

When he went to Sandhurst, the Army Officer training school, the media mocked him. They followed his progress avidly waiting for him to follow his Uncle Eddie and fail miserably.

He didn't. he wowed them. Broke records, won awards. He went in as a boyish Royal lout and came out an officer. A cornet no less which apparently is a rank in his Welsh regiment equivalent to 2nd Lieutenant

Then came the debate. Would he go to war or be shoved in a nice cushy office somewhere

Harry himself answered. Last year, the prince said:

"There's no way I'm going to put myself through Sandhurst and then sit on my arse back home while my boys are out fighting for their country."

Harry reportedly threatened to quit the Army if he were not allowed to serve in a conflict zone.

So to Iraq he goes.

In a tank.

Somewhere unknown.

Just in case

Perhaps we should put him in a red hat though, just so the Americans know where he is

Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau

Week till St Davids' Day, so I'm reminding you to celebrate it on 1st March. The video goes on a bit but it has the Welsh National Anthem and some nice shots of Wales

Yummy Pancake day

or Shrove Tuesday as the religious types call it..

But I love Pancakes!! so Happy Pancake day

Yum, I think some with sugar and lemon and some with nutella. Or maybe Golden Syrup or do I have some ice cream in the freezer...

Good tossing everyone

Bashing Britney's getting Boring

Theres not really much to say about new bald Britney that hasn't already been said

Except at least we know that her hat now matches her handbag..

Life is Precious

I don't often cross post on Blogger and MySpace. But this one I am, cos it's important

Having a brain dead patient on the unit is hard. We had one yesterday. Asking about organ donation is the hardest question to ask. It never gets easier.

Make it easier for your loved ones. Tell your family if you want to donate. Having the card isn't enough, your family can still say no. You have to tell them you'll come back and haunt them if they say no..

Actually there is no IF here

You don't need your body when you're dead - but someone else does.

Following a harvesting, we get letters from the transplant team, telling us what organs got donated, who they went to and how they are doing. It makes us feel good and I can only imagine how much comfort it gives the family of the deceased.

Yesterday's family said yes. We were awash with surgeons from all over the country and people waiting for that call got it.

Today, there's a family grieving, but there's also several families sitting at the bedsides of their loved ones after their life saving surgery.

Serious post over. I'm sure smut will follow soon

Always do what Dr says...

Did my first clinical shift today

I managed to spill pee (not mine) down my trousers and cleaned up shit

So, lifes back to normal then...

I also had a tussle when I tried to help them log roll a patient on ITU. They told me to go back and send someone else. "I can take the bottom legs" says me, thats the easy bit. But no. Dermot, the ITU consultant, was listening and asked why I couldn't do it. Cos shes been off 3 months with her back and this is her first shift he was told.

"Lisa" says he, "Theres an Irish saying for that"

"FECKING EDJIT! - so piss off back to HDU and send someone else"

I love Dermot - he's Irish and looks like Homer Simpson. He also gives us cookies every friday


I also love Wentworth, hes not Irish and he doesn't look like Homer Simpson. He doesn't give me cookies but makes me feel like I do when I have cookies

Nothing to do with the post but god he looks lovely in that pic. I know where I'd like to place myself..