Whenever I post nudity, someone walks past Michaels computer

Which has nothing to do with this post but he just IM'd me it and I laughed.

No, this is not me with Jonny, and it's not a future pic of me and Jack. I know, my dates are becoming confusing to you all....

This is me with who I pulled at the wedding.

cute huh?

I feel like that guy I blogged about with the real dolls....

Charity May Begin at Home but Where Does it End?

A young kid just knocked my door. Kooky looking pre teen with bunches in her hair and a wide smile. She held out an envelope.

" Do you want to give a donation to leprosy?"

I looked dubiously at the envelope - did she want skin maybe or a spare limb I had lying around.....

But no, as I already knew as Bethan is participating, she wanted cold hard cash for a sponsored "Get Fit" thingy the school is running to raise money for a leprosy charity.

This is in addition to the many non school uniform days they have with a payment for charity. Comic relief, Sport relief, Jeans for genes, Children in need - the list is endless. Why did I pay the extortionate prices for their monogrammed school uniform when they never seem to wear the bloody things?

Don't get me wrong, I am a donator to charity. I give regular sums to my chosen charities. I even sponsor an agrophobic collie dog called Sam......

I have blogged previously of the charity collectors that run rampage on my City shopping High Street. Dodging the buggers is a fine art I have perfected that involves walking more miles than needed by constantly weaving in complex patterns around them. Yes, I realise the companies think having good looking young men and fresh faced pretty girls smiling at you like they really like you will work and I'm guilty of having a quick ogle, but it wont make me part with my bank details.

It's fairly obvious that I'm not going to give my limited spare cash to just anyone. Which brings me to a point I've been pondering for a while.

Why do normal Americans give money to political candidates campaigns? I don't get it.

I applaud Ryan and Michelle's efforts in canvessing. I appreciate they give up their spare time to support something they believe in. Stick a placard in your front yard or a poster in your window. Go to a rally and throw your panties at Obama. But money?

Of course, the all singing, all dancing campaigns are not something we are used to over the pond. So, we get the stories of how extravagant these campaigns are. We've had stories of Clinton babes spending $7000 on doughnuts, another of a party that bought up every shovel in a snow bound state so only their voters could get to the polling station. We watch the banners and streamers and all marching bands in wonderment really.

And laugh at you.

So, if any American wants to explain to me why you give them dosh to pay for some college intern's doughnut please do.

10 stories that should be April Fools...

But aren’t. Taken from today’s BBC news website HERE (if you want to get to the penguin link)

Here is a round-up of some of the day’s seemingly spoof news stories which are actually true (and one that isn’t).

1. A new pay-per-view funeral service scheme is being launched today. The Daily Mail says the scheme at Southampton Crematorium allows mourners to grieve from home by watching proceedings online.

2. A turtle is addicted to nicotine. He became addicted after picking up the smouldering butts in his owner’s garden, in Kouqian, China, and sulks if he doesn’t get his fix. The Daily Express, which picked up the story from Chinese news agency Xinhua, includes a gob-smacking picture of the turtle doing a rather good impression of Dot Cotton.

3. The menopause is caused by the age-old battle between wives and mothers-in-law, reports the Times. As long as 50,000 to 300,000 years ago, competition for food in a family unit was a battle won by the younger women who fed their offspring, which led to the older women losing their ability to breed. With food hard to find, mothers-in-law tended to help rear the grandchildren rather than have more children themselves.

4. An injection that allows women bigger and better orgasms by increasing the size of the mysterious G-spot is being launched in the UK, says the Sun. The £800 collagen jab takes less than half-an-hour and is given under local anaesthetic.

5. School desks and chairs are to be enlarged to meet the needs of the UK’s ever-heavier schoolchildren, reports the Express. On average British children are a centimetre taller than they were 10 years ago, and there are more obese youngsters, so desks supplied to UK schools will reflect this.

6. Wind turbines or solar panels built by UK companies anywhere in the world could count towards Britain’s renewable energy targets under controversial government proposals, according to the Financial Times.

7. You will soon be able to have a tattoo on your teeth, reports the Sun. Steve Heward, the dentist who started the craze in the US plans to set up in Britain.

8. The traditional Chinese martial art T’ai Chi can help control diabetes, reports the Daily Mail. Apparently, researchers have found the flowing movements and deep breathing involved can result in a fall in blood sugar levels.

9. A thief walked out of a busy Norwegian aquarium with a crocodile that was over two feet long, says the Independent.

10. Drinkers have been banned from calling barmaids "love". An outraged Daily Star says new discrimination laws mean landlords that allow punters to chat up staff could be hauled before a tribunal and face unlimited fines.

And finally, a genuine spoof. Have you heard the one about the penguins that can fly? A BBC camera crew filming a colony of Adelie penguins were astonished when they did something "no other penguins can do" and took to the Antarctic skies


If anyone would like to donate to a collection in order for me to put number 4 to the test, I take cash, cheques or paypal. I’m willing to test it out for you guys because that’s just the giving girl I am

I Was Young Once

Despite already being teased for these pictures, I shall blog them anyway so you can all have a go....

Lisa as a chubby one year old with her daddy

Me at about 19

And finally me at Nursing School graduation - I was 21

Sorry Ev no pictures of my ass..

Posh Leather Prince Charming

Media frenzy is at a pitch as the Beckhams return to Britain from LA for gorgeous hunky Mr Beck’s 100th England cap. Mrs Beck was photographed in London shopping in her tiny sized, very tight, leather pants.

Now, on first viewing of these photos I had 2 thoughts

1. Is that hand in front of her foof hiding camel toe??

and

2. When will she stop copying my hair style?

And then I realised - it’s not just my hairstyle shes stealing, and she’s way, way behind me in the leather trouser fashion stakes...

It was 1981, I was 11.

Ant mania had swept the land and I was not immune to their charm. I was Ant crazy. Adam Ant was my first celebrity crush. I had the albums or as Bethan calls them those big black CDs, I had the wall covered in posters. I had the patch sewn onto my jeans (remember them...) and I had THE OUTFIT.

Yes, the outfit.

Black leather(ette) trousers and white blouse with frills to die for. Gaudy long gold(ish) chains. Black boots.

Black eyeliner and a thick white stripe across my nose.

I thought I was the shit.

So, when told I had to go shopping with my mother and my sister I took off my huge can headphones, stopped listening to my Prince Charming and dawdled downstairs. In the outfit.

Older sister stared and opened her mouth. Mother shussed her, sighed heavily and exclaimed they really didn’t have time....

I didn’t really notice they walked 50 yards behind me all day. I just saw the wide beams of fellow shoppers and smiled smugly to myself thinking I must have looked so cool......

and for those who need a nostalgic look back at the 80s gods that were Adam and the Ants, here’s a little taste

Ant mania didn’t last much longer for me and soon I turned my loyalties to Duran Duran. But I still look back at those highly embarrassing times.

Oh and speaking of embarrassing moments - check out The Lounge over the weekend and try to guess which friends you can recognise....

Bunnies and Chicks

Happy Easter

Buns

Hot Cross buns

Hot Cross buns

one a penny

two a penny

Hot Cross buns

if you have no daughters

give them to your sons

one a penny

2 a penny

Hot Cross buns

Having explained to numerous Americans what they are, I thought I’d blog them.

Cut in half and buttered. Toasted they are yummy. We eat them on Good Friday.

The cross on top is supposed to be for that guy nailed to the cross thing yeah?

As for the song - not a clue - as Brian said - You Brits have funny songs.....

And just for fun - when I searched for hot cross buns on photobucket I got this....

Penguins, Ladybugs and Departed Old Friends

As I’ve blogged before, I’m no Mother Earth. I love my kiddiewinkies but am not the kind of mother that can make a mouse costume out of sticky back plastic, string and 4 tin cans. So when they left primary school I sighed a huge sigh of relief. No more staying up all night to make costumes because I’d forgotten to do them and no Eisteddffods to have to make crafty stuff and Welsh cakes. Well, I mean help but if you’re a mum you know you do the brunt of the work and your kid just holds the tape...

So, I was bloody pissed off yesterday when Bethan came home from school. She had last week off with chicken pox and informed me she had to make a 3D animal by Wednesday as an arts’ project.

And she wanted to do a penguin...

So hastily paper mache a balloon we did. And put it in the airing cupboard to dry overnight. This afternoon after school, we started painting it - and it sank and collapsed - not enough paper mache.

Ideas flew, google was initiated and then Bethan had a bright idea. Well, she stole it from a girl who said she’d made a spider from a tennis ball.

We did a ladybird!

So - a tennis ball, some pva glue and red paint, cotton buds (Q Tips to you guys??), a couple of white drawing pins and a black felt marker later and we ended up with this - courtesy of Jessica’s camera phone as my batteries are gone in my camera

cute or what.....

Also, on the subject of animals, I want to say bye to an old friend who was put to sleep this morning as she had liver failure and was really suffering. My parents’ dog, Black Beauty, a rescue greyhound.

You’ll be missed, especially by your favourite cwtcher and stroker

Night princess