More..

Daniel.....
Apparently, parents are disgruntled because they say he should be a role model for their children and not go nude. What?, if he wants to grow up I say carry on Daniel, carry on...




I know, I feel dirty too. But not as dirty as Ev..
So for Ev, as hes legal over here but not in the US
July 23rd - Daniels 18

The countdown begins....174 days

Baby, come to mama....

Whoa - someone just grew up....



I'll never watch Harry Potter in quite the same way...

QUANDO OMNI FLUNKUS MORITATUS

I have been ill all weekend. Vague symptoms that are for sure bound to be life threatening. So I stayed in me PJs all weekend and alternated between bed and the sofa.

The music channels know how to target the bored 30 something day time audience and entice them from daytime TV - 80s nostalgia. I flicked through the faceless, nameless drivel the youngsters call music (god, I sound like my father...) and there it was - the 30 best 80s videos.
And this one ....

I am not embarrassed to say I sang along and remembered every word. I have to mention J.T, John Taylor for the uninitiated, looks damn fine in this video - go 80s hair

The Reflex is also of course the 80s bar in town I took Helly, Shaun and Alex too when they visited. You know, the one with the poles...

Bondage Babe

I need to ask a serious question..

Do I look sweet and innocent?

Ok, so many of you have only got my profile pic to go on but all the same - Do I look like the kinda girl that lies back and thinks of England, or Wales in my case?

Today I had a strange experience. I'd finished physio and was browsing in the shops in the city, killing a bit of time. I went in Ann Summers and was wandering round. I ended up in the bondage section. Shut up, I was just looking..

Anyway, I looked. Theres no law against it. I heard a voice behind me saying "Uh, are you OK there?" I ignored it, they obviously weren't speaking to me. Again the question was asked, a little louder and a little more forcefully. So I turned around. The stockroom was directly behind me and the assistant in there was indeed talking to me. She couldn't have looked more shocked if it was her own grandmother standing there. I assured her I was fine and carried on looking. I was aware however of a pair of eyes burning into my back.

I eventually carried on, looked at the vibros, looked at the undies and out I went.

But now it's got me thinking. Ok, I was dressed casually but surely you don't need to be clad in leather to look at the bondage section...

Honestly, I know how to have sex. It's been a while but Ive been assured it's like riding a bike. Not literally, maybe a better metaphor should be used there.

I've had sex, I have 2 kids to prove I have. I move when doing it, I occasionally make a noise, I occasionally make a lot of noise. I may even like it a bit kinky sometimes. I can get down and dirty.

Maybe I have a problem. Maybe when men look at me they think - she looks sweet. She looks like she'd be a really good person to have as a friend or even worse a sister. Not - ooh shes hot, I want to take her home and bang her brains out..

I don't particularly want to look like a sex siren, or a hooker, but for some reason I really want to look like someone who is allowed to be in the bondage section of a mainstream High Street sex shop. I didn't know till now I didn't, but now I know it's bothering me . It's a female thing guys, don't worry your pretty heads about it.

With hindsight I now have the perfect answer back. When she asked me if I was ok, I should have said that the chain I usually use to join my nipple and clit rings together had snapped from the force of the weights and I was looking for a new, stronger one. I may have to go back.

Happy Days

Today was good....
Lunch and shopping with Mum, sis and nephew. Miles decided that throwing his cutlery, chips and nuggets on the floor for Lisa to pick up was a great game. Chasing him around the newly renovated indoor market with his coat was a good game too. But the best game was the bargain hunting. I'm such a bargain babe and I picked up some massive savings today.

After 5 hours in the city, my back niggled but wasn't total agony. Tonight is Battlestar Galactica. Can a day get any better?

And yes I bought undies, matching of course, and yes I bought boots. Actually technically I didn't buy the boots as it was buy 2 pairs of sale items and get one free so me and Mum bought a pair each and then I picked up the boots free

These boots are to die for...

I also bought 2 pairs of combat trousers, a pair of trainer type shoe thingys, a furry collared gilet, a jacket, a top and a bag. I also treated my sister to a necklace and earrings for her 40th birthday and bought my godson some Dr Who fact file books for his birthday. And I didn't spend a fortune.

Mood is good. Retail therapy works. Tomorrow is lunch with best mate Mandy. I shall stay away from the shops.

Reasons to be Cheerful Part 3

A bit of grin and bear it, a bit of come and share it

You're welcome, we can spare it - yellow socks

Too short to be haughty, too nutty to be naughty

Going on 40 - no electric shocks

Today, the 22nd January, is officially the gloomiest day of the year

Its true, it's science..

Taking into consideration things like Christmas debt, fading memories of holidays, failing New Year resolutions and lack of daylight the following formula was produced

1/8W+(D-d) 3/8xTQ MxNA

Key - W: Weather. D: Debt. d: Money due in January pay. T: Time since Christmas. Q: Time since failed quit attempt. M: General motivational levels. NA: The need to take action.

So, are we all feeling gloomy today? No, shame on you - it's SCIENCE..

I'm not gloomy, I'm bloody freezing, but I decided to think of things for me to feel happy about

~ It's payday tomorrow
~ I'm still not smoking
~ It's payday tomorrow
~ My sister is 40 in 4 days, that's hilarious
~ It's payday tomorrow
~ My back/hip is feeling a bit better
~ It's payday tomorrow
~ It's 43 days to my trip
~ It's pay - yeah, i think you got that bit

The only thing I have to be gloomy about is Friday's physio - she told me to load up on all my pain meds which can only mean one thing - she's going to manipulate my pelvis back in. So if anyone want's to pop over and hold my hand, or give me something to bite on, or even better copious amounts of alcohol, feel free

And I have to say, the lyrics of Ian Dury's and the Blockheads' Reasons to be Cheerful Part 3 are weird, but then so was he. Or he is, I dunno, is he dead yet?

And one more thing, check out today's quote to the right - spooooooky....

When you can't Find a Bottle Opener.....

"You can't come to Benidorm without seeing Sticky Vicky"

This is what I was being told. I was led on a Spanish sun lounger in August, soaking up the rays, one eye on my girls, then 5 and 2, paddling in the kiddies pool right next to me. The rest of my attention was focused on Julie, one of two couples of mad Liverpudlians I'd met over there. Kids making friends, you know the way.

We'd fallen into a predictable pattern. Drinking in the Hotel bar at night then taking turns to sample the Benidorm nightlife, husbands the one night, wives the next.

Tonight was our turn and it seemed Sticky Vicky was the entertainment planned. They told me she was a stripper....

So, there I was, bottle of Bud in one hand and, um, well, a bottle of Bud in the other. Well, it was packed and the bar queue was long...I watched giddily as the hypnotist on stage made a woman simulate sex with a straw donkey. Yes, it was high class entertainment on view tonight.

Then the hypnotist was gone. The bar fell silent, I could feel the expectation in the air - along with the smell of vomit. Lusty young men dived for the nearest seats they could find to the dance floor in the middle of the bar, where the entertainment was focused.

I was somewhat surprised when Sticky Vicky walked out . Firstly she was old. Nice body, good pair of tits, but old. And she was wearing just a thong with a feather boa drapped ceremoniously around her neck. I was to learn the purpose of this boa in the next few minutes.

I'm perched on a ridiculously high stool, more than slightly inebriated, watching a stripper who started her floorshow with no clothes on. I was confused. I turned to my new Liverpudlian friends with a quizzical look on my face

"Just Watch"

And watch I did, as Vicky lost the thong and produced an item from her "natural pocket"

"what the fu....."

I couldn't finish my sentence as a candle, a long green candle, appeared. She tapped it on some poor guy's head to prove it was solid then lit it

Then a light bulb - not just a light bulb but a fully working, glowing in the dark, light bulb. Jesus Christ, she had a battery pack up there.....

At regular intervals the feather boa was gracefully placed in front of her. I'd cleverly worked out this was to insert more items in her handy little inside handbag, although you never actually saw any items going in - clever....

And she continued - I can't remember all the items she pulled out but there were lots. I do recall a string of razor blades at one point

Oh and a bottle of beer, which she then took the cap off - with her pussy of course. As I had a bottle of Bud poised at my mouth at the time, it darn well nearly put me off, but only nearly.

And then she was gone

Sticky Vicky has been a regular feature of Benidorm Nightlife entertainment for many years, going from one pub/nightclub to the next, feather boa trailing behind her.

It was an experience - that's all I can say

So, what do you do when you've just sat and watched pussy gymnastics?

Go and find the male strippers of course - they were good too. Big boys, every last one of them...

Its Just a Little Crush....

We're the dandy highwaymen so tired of excuses

Of deep meaning philosophies where only showbiz loses

We're the dandy highwaymen and here's our invitation

Throw your safety overboard and join our insect nation

da diddley qa qa da diddley qa qa

da diddley qa qa da diddley qa qa

da diddley qa qa da diddley qa qa

da diddley qa qa da diddley qa qa

I was 11 and it was my birthday. Looking back, the presents of an Adam and the Ant Album combined with a set of headphones failed to stir the comic effect in me it does now, but with hindsight and 2 daughters of my own I have a deeper understanding for my parents' pain that I didn't then.

1981 and I was an avid Ant. I mean, with lyrics like da diddley qa qa who wouldn't be? I had the leather (plastic) trousers, the frilly shirts, even the white stripe across my nose if I felt particularly adventurous. Shut up, I thought I looked cool....

Adam was my first crush - my King of the Wild Frontier, my Prince Charming.

He monopolised my birthday gifts - Adam and the Ants T-shirt (pink), King of the Wild Frontier Album, Adam and the Ant's jeans patch. That and my headphones. Oh and the Snow White Sindy doll - from my nan, she tried bless her.

The headphones were huge. But, you know, they went on ya head and they stayed there. I have blogged about my small ears and my new fangled headphones disability previously. Me and in your ear headphones do not mix, I liked the ones with the big strap over your head holding the cans over your ears. Now I miss more music fiddling with the headphones as they fall out of my ears. There is a photo somewhere in my parents house of me in the garden, headphones in situ, wearing my Tshirt holding the album and Sindy doll. Due to the hideously short back and sides I was sporting back then, due to a mother telling an incompetent hairstylist that I needed "something easy to manage", it will never grace these pages.


Today daughter number 2 reaches the grand old age of 11. In her last year in Primary school, she enjoys being one of the big fishes in the little pond. September brings High School and the last strings of mother's apron gets well and truly snipped the first time she boards that big yellow bus on her own. Her gifts included a Bratz head and arms for much girly making up, jewellery and money.

She also has her first crush. Here you go babes - Happy Birthday

As for my crush on Adam, it faded as I swapped my allegiances to John Taylor and Duran Duran. Twenty five years on, Adam is a little crazy

Italian Job

No reason to post except I love it. Helly, a lesson in how to say bloody properly

I'm a Celebrity - Get them Out of Here

For a few years now, we've had to endure reality TV with so called "celebrities". Usually out of work actors and singers that think it will throw them back into stardom. Oh and the tarts that are famous for sleeping with celebrities, somehow making them celebrities too. However, this has led to America thinking they can get rid of their Z list celebrities by making us endure them.

Look at this years' Celebrity Big Brother - We have Dirk Benedict and Jermaine Jackson. We recently had David Gest on I'm a Celebrity Get me Out of Here

But us Brits have won...

LA - enjoy the Beckhams

Let us not worry about interest rates rising, the rising number of our dead in Iraq, the NHS falling apart, oh no, lets fill our papers with Golden Balls Beckham's $125 five year deal

yep, thats $125 MILLION

To promote football, sorry, soccer in America. They do realise he can't string 2 sentences together don't they?

So, I look forward to the Beckhams infiltrating the Los Angeles rich set. They will of course build their own Beckingham Palace somewhere in LA and Victoria will be able to pop onto Rodeo Drive like the rest of us pop to Tescos

However, just because we've given you our British little media darlings, it doesn't mean we have to have Paris, Britney or Lindsey in their place

We have Madonna, that's quite enough thank you

Five Long Years

Five years Ive been paying into the Social Fund in work. 5 years.

Every month, my £3 gets divied up into the pots, £1 for tea fund and £2 for social fund.

For 5 years I've watched countless people get married, have babies ( some have had 3!), leave, have operations or have the established 4 weeks off work sick. They've all received gifts or flowers and I'm happy for them - really..

But today, after 5 long years, I finally got something

Ok, so technically Ive paid £124 over 5 years for them but they made me smile

And after physio today I needed it - all I can say is OW!!

Todays physio was interesting. After my initial assessment Friday, I needed a more in depth hour long one this week but they couldn't fit me in. So, I agreed to go to a splinter clinic. It was in one of the roughest places in Newport. I was quite scared...I got there and immediately thought I was at the wrong place - it was a pre war type hut, but no, this was the place. At one point I was stood on the extremely cold floor in just my undies (yeah I know - attractive). The physio pointed out something about the way I place my one foot so I looked down and my feet were purplely blue and mottled. It was that cold.

My back pain is also the reason for the non blogs. When you're stuck in the house for weeks on end with nothing to do, you really don't want to know what's going on in my head.

Oh and on the subject of day counting

Tuesday 9th January - 9 - 1050 pm GMT

Sky One

Season 3

Do not disturb during this time as nothing will drag me away from that box in the corner of the room I never watch....

Bet They Were American.....

Day One

20 hours 15 minutes without a cigarette

Just saying...

Book Em Danno...

I booked my flights yesterday. After watching them steadily go down in price over the last 2 weeks I decided they weren't going to get any cheaper

So it's tough guys I'm coming, there's no going back.

I still can't believe I'm flying half way round the world on my own - Go Me!!

This from the girl that thinks going to Cardiff is adventurous..

God, I'm soooo excited!!