Bah Humbug..

Where did September, October and November go to?

Why is it suddenly less than a month to Christmas?

Decorations and lights are springing up on the neighbours' houses and Im thinking far too early, then kinda realise it's not that early.

Decorating the outside of your house with lights and whatnots is a reatively new concept over here, brought over from the US of course. But we haven't quite got the American finesse. I look at American houses on the TV and it looks sophisticated and pretty and nice. Over here it just looks tacky. I mean who the hell thinks a 6 foot inflatable snowman or santa in your front garden is classy? Combined with tacky flashing reindeers and sleighs and bells on the front of the house it's Santas' grotty rather than grotto..

Speaking of tacky, I'm sorry but I do love this song..

Now that makes me feel christmassy..

More Fun in Wales

More pics from Helly

Alex was way better than me at the pole

Note the ear-friendly distance I kept my mouth from the microphone

Helly and Alex ponder the selections

Helly Standing by her Man

Obligatory bottle blow job shot..

Smile!

Awww, we love our Shauny

Thanks guys, it was fun! I may forgive you for surprising me, but I won't forget... I'm plotting my revenge...

Heres to March

Fun in the Sun to Raving in the Rain

Just seen Helly, Shaun and Alex off after lunch and shopping. Well, Alex shopped, we watched him..

Helly swapped the sunnier climes of LA, California for wet and windy Wales

bRRRRRRR, Helly - god it's cold....

There was a reason for finding the huge umbrella as the puddles indicate

More Pics

Insomnia bites and now I cant even sleep after having a drink

So, more photos

We went for dinner at the restaurant next to the hotel. Here's Helly and Shaun with Alex.

Then I took them into the City Centre. It was really quiet, I think the torrential rain had kept normal people indoors. But it meant we had full use of the poles....

We partook in a little drinking..

I took them to one of my favourite drinking holes not realising Thursday night was Karaoke. So Helly was up there like a shot

There are more and I've emailed the link to my album to those I thought would want to see the rest. That way I dont have to bore the lot of you. However once I get Helly's pics and take some more tomorrow, I'll post some of my favourites

Shaun, Alex and a Surprise

YOU BASTARDS!!

I will never ever trust or believe a word you say again.

As blogged previously, Shaun, an online friend, was visiting me today along with his best friend Alex.

So Shaun calls at 5 and says he's arrived at his hotel. We agree to meet in an hour.

I was early. Im knocking the door, heard the peephole move then nothing. I knocked again - "Wait a sec" calls Shaun. I giggle and remind myself to tell Helly I caught Shaun naked. (He wasn't of course naked, they were laughing too much to open the door...)

A couple of minutes later, the door is opened.......




BY HELLY!!!!


I hate you both, you evil, conniving fuckers...

and Scot knew as he met Helly at her stopover in Chicago.

3 days of pretending she was busy in work when all along she was in the UK

Many hugs followed

Heres a couple of photos before I hit the sack. More tomorrow




Oh go on then, one more...

Happy 23rd

Happy Turkey Day to all you Americans - although some of you have already buggered off to other places already and won't read this till you get back.

I said it last year and I'll say it again. I don't pretend to understand Thanksgiving. You spend time with family you havent seen since last Thanksgiving and eat lots including Turkey. Sounds like a British Christmas

So, in honour of Thanksgiving, Shaun and I have decided to celebrate ourselves. Shaun (fuzzyhaze) is coming down to Wales tomorrow from Lincolnshire. We shall be having dinner and then I shall be showing him the fine establishments of Newport City. Yes, I mean a pub crawl. Shaun will be the first online friend I am going to meet in person and will be good practice for our trip to the US in March.

Shaun, wear your thermals - I checked the forecast for tomorrow - wet, cold and windy...

Lots of photos of drunken fun will be posted Friday...

My Celebrity Look a Likeys

Its gone 3am and once again I can't sleep. So I have to thank Scot for blogging this and allowing me to waste time.

I did two photos to see the results

First one



Ok, couple of random males.
The second picture generated these



So, as Demi Moore was the only one who showed up in the two, watch me morph into her (yeah, I know, I wish.....)

See me morph into Demi Moore

Create your own Celebrity Morph™ on MyHeritage.com

You Work Christmas?

Thats the response I always get

Um yeah, we shut the hospital Christmas Eve and reopen after New Year....

Unfortunately people still get ill. We're usually really quiet or flat out busy. Deaths on Christmas Day are shit but it happens. We try to have a laugh, buy the patients presents - smellies usually, after all most are unconscious, we try and eat the food we buy and the docs usually buy us loads of choccies and biscuits. On nights I make my hot chocolate special with Tia Maria whipped cream on top and choc sprinkles.

But this year Im not nights. We tend to break up the 12 hour day shift into 2 for Christmas Eve to Boxing Day.

So, anyway, I just got my Christmas rota - its not too bad I suppose

Im mornings Christmas Eve - 7am - 230pm

Im afternoons Christmas day - 130pm - 730pm

Off Boxing Day

Days the 27th - 7am-730pm

Nights 30th - 7pm - 730am

Days New Years day

Nights 3rd and 4th


So not totally bad

Im still home for the girls to open their pressies and home by 8pm to be there for the evening.

Off Boxing Day to go to my parents and I don't go out New Year anyway - hate it, so getting up New Years morning is fine

What I will miss is chatting with my internet buddies for long periods while we all do the family stuff. That sounds sad I know but I will miss some of you. Lets hope we sneak on at the same time.....And I usually wear a Christmas Hat like this....

Time For a Change?

Im bored with my hair. It's time for a change - Ive been blackish for over a year. Im thinking of this colour. Ive gone a bit darker than this before but I like this
Of course Im doing this entirely on a whim but hey, its only hair...

What d'ya think?



And heres another where shes got more blonde bits in - I really like these colours

Cos Its Friday

Its Friday, it's cold, it's dark and it's wet. I think I shall start posting a favourite 80s track on a Friday.

So - vintage Depeche Mode - I heart them

All I Want For Christmas

Following on from a post I did eons ago on MySpace about how Pole Dancing is becoming the new exercise, Tesco has a DIY kit. Now Ann Summers has done this for a while but Tescos??

Apparently it was in the childrens' toy section until there was a public outcry, its now in the "Fitness and Leisure" section.

Note the cute pink garter and fake money...

Please note people who may buy me a christmas present - I want one. For the exercise obviously.

Helpful American translation -

Tescos - a large grocery store. You do your food shop there - usually.

Ann Summers - a kind of High Street Mainstream Sex shop - They do parties where women give themselves porn names, drink lots and caress vibrators while lamenting the size doesn't match up to their man

Hide and Seek

I have 2 daughters

Whats theirs is theirs and what's mine is, well, theirs too...
If I want to find anything of mine, chances are it will be in their bedrooms.

Stationary stuff is likely to found in Bethans. Shes 10. I get lots of bits and pieces from medical reps in work; pens, notebooks, sticky post its, fuzzies - all find a home in Bethan's den

Lately all my good stuff is found in Jessica's room. Now 13 and just about my size in tops, its not confined to just my make-up, my jewellery, my scarves etc. Now shes started nicking my clothes.

They also don't ask. When I was growing up, I wouldn't dream of going in my mum's bag (purse). In fact I still don't - if she wants something out of there, I'll get it and give it to her for her to get out.
Not mine, they just rifle and take what they want.

So earlier, Jess walks downstairs in one of my jumpers (sweater).

"Where did you get that inquires me", knowing most of my winter stuff is still packed away.

"Right at the bottom of your wardrobe (closet), in a bag" replies daughter number one

Which made me giggle because that proves what I have said to many a female friend

I can have no little playmates, no toys..

I have no privacy or private place - and the bottom of the wardrobe in a bag was one suggestion..

Unless you can think where the hell I can hide them???

P.S - note I even translate my blogs for Americans that don't talk proper English..

It's All in the Cards

I make a mean stew but decided I want to make some soups. While looking for recipes for soups, I ended up on a website geared at women. Well the generalistic stereotype of a woman. Full of love and children and cooking and beauty and gossip and slimming - sigh....

Anyway

I got caught by a banner on how to find your soulmate. As you know, my soulmate is a clever little bugger whos hiding skills are second to none.

So I clicked

I know, stupid I hear you cry but my curiosity holds no bounds. It was a tarot card thingy. I picked my two sweet pink lovehearts cards and up popped the result

First draw : "How do I meet The One?"

The Fool

Whilst walking in the desert, during a rally, at a spiritual festival, whilst studying, at an international meeting or by chance

Um, by chance, that leaves it wide open then....do you purposely meet someone?

Second draw: "What will they like about me?"

The Lovers

Your sensitivity, your charm, your romanticism, the way you relate to people and your ability to harmonise.

I got further drawn into this (I definitely need to get out more) and asked the tarot cards a question, a question about love I won't reveal. But heres the answers

If the truth be told, you enjoy the simple pleasures in life and long to have a baby, move to the country or settle down to a quiet life with someone special. Put your creativity to work and you will find the emotional security you crave.

The feelings surrounding your question indicate divine guidance, which is helping you to recognise and maximise your intuition. Pay attention to the content of your dreams and new ideas which come to you.

The World is the most positive card in the Tarot, symbolises mental and sensual fulfillment. You have a bright future ahead, you will meet someone without having to go looking for them, they will come straight to you. The person will be full of charisma and will only have eyes for you, which will make you very happy, your relationship will be frank and sincere on both parts, with no games or confusion. This card also symbolises a joyful, happy sex life, with mutual pleasure it's only concern.

So Im going to live happily ever after, theres a surprise...

Oh yeah, back to soups, I knew there was something I was doing

In case you're wondering

Page under creative construction

Expect me to steal things from various blogs along the way.

Bear with me - Is that bear or bare? I never know.

Thank God for The Gouda....

Any input on content, what to put in the sidebars, colour etc etc gladly taken

Confessions of a Bad Mother (from the archives)

Today I saw my first christmas tree in someones window. Not a shop window, they've been festive for a while but someones house....

So, I decided to pull this out of the Grab Archives. Lazy, yes. Do I care? No.

My life is usually filled with disorder and chaos. I forget things the girls have to do or go until the last minute and have been known to be up in the wee hours trying to make a costume for school that I knew I had to do for weeks but forgot about until a little voice asks me where their costume is for tomorrow. I admit I would forget to feed them sometimes if they didn't tell me they were hungry and god only knows how the hamster is still alive. Mother Earth I aint.


But in other things I am totally anal. In work, my charts have to be a certain way, my pumps have to be in order and if I only had the time to co ordinate them all so all their little flashy things flashed together I would. But thats not what this blog is about.

It's just this. The other thing I'm anal about is Christmas Decorations. Gone are the days when they can be done when the girls are in bed - they now want to help, and that just freaks me out. My decs have to be colour coordinated. The tree in the lounge is red and gold and the tree in the dining room is ivory and gold. Not too much to ask is it? No really, it's not is it? In fact it's not even the girls' fault - I blame school. Ever since they started nursery at 3, they have brought home hand-made things from school. Now, I'm not that cold hearted, they are sweet and I have kept everything my little angels have made me for every occasion, but do their decs really have to go on my tree? I used to carefully place them on the back of the trees so they couldn't be seen but that doesn't cut it anymore, Bethan proudly puts her gaudy coloured wool balls and her angels with dodgy wings right at the front and I cringe....does that make me a bad mother?

So I put off putting the tree until the very last minute. Usually till the girls nag me to death
And every day after that, I will walk past the tree and delicately shove one of their decs to the back, hoping they dont notice.....

I am a bad mother aren't I?

Hold Me Now

In the early hours of this morning I wrote a huge blog. I then deleted it. It showed too much of me.

It told of my hopes, my dreams and my fears. It explained where I was, where I want to be and how I'm going to get there. I don't think I'm ready to share that with everyone quite yet.

But I guess it was therapeutic. The thoughts have been swirling around my head for a while now and wouldn't let go. And now they're gone. Not completely gone, but tucked in my subconscious, at least for a little while.

In it, I justified my reasons for being alone, for not wanting to find someone else, for not joining the dreaded dating pool.

I don't need someone right now. Yes, theres things that I miss obviously, but seriously, you can sort that out yourself....

But what I miss most is not the sex (but hey, it would be nice!).

Its more than that. Its contact.

I miss hugs

I miss laying on the couch, head in someones lap, just watching a film..

I miss snuggling up in bed with someone on a cold Winters morning before getting pushed out when you just have to get up.

I miss a kiss on the head.

I miss an arm draped around my shoulder.

I miss holding hands.

I miss tickle fights.



But I'm still not going to go looking. Im too picky for a start. If I meet someone else they have to be perfect. Ive done it wrong once and Im not going to do it again. If my soulmates out there, I'll guess he'll just have to knock the door and introduce himself.


Or Helly, I'll just have to start getting cats - I don't fancy the other 2 options...

Counting Sheep

I've written four blogs and deleted each time.

It's gone 4am, I'm in too much pain to sleep and the resulting blog was depressing.

So you'll have to make do with my cheer up blog. My latest laminate list contender





















Wouldn't mind servicing his Viper...

Sharp Intake of Breath

As a clue to the wondrous contents of my day, I just want to say this

Can someone invent one of these that isn't so damn cold??

And wow, when I googled for a speculum, I found this one and it was on a sex toys page

That is one serious fucked up fetish.......

EDIT - The comments may be TMI for the wimpy male of the species.

Fed Ex

So the divorce we were all waiting for is happening. A few weeks after squeezing out her 2nd son in just over a year, Britneys going to get rid of the waster - Fed Ex as hes deliciously being called now.

After trying to make it work, probably for her media image rather than her, shes set for divorce number 2.

Now Mr Fed has announced he's going for custody of the boys.

The rapper says "he intends to take action to protect and safeguard their two young sons."
According to the rapper's lawyer, he is prepared to go the distance in order to do what he feels is necessary to protect and safeguard the children - and will not be intimidated or dissuaded from pursuit of those goals.
Oh and he also wants spousal support....

Listen mate, spousal support is for 50 something housewives who have never worked, who have sacrificed their own lives to support their husbands, brought up the kids and then are traded in for a younger model once hubby reaches the goal of monetary splendour they both strived for.

You're young and able. So, get a fucking job and support yourself. And your 2 britney boys, and the kids you spawned with the other one. I dont remember seeing you fighting for custody of those. Im sure you can feed off your short period of marital bliss with Britney for a few years yet. There's plenty of reality TV shows that will add you to their list of Z list wannabees. if not in the US, then British TV will have you, christ, looking at the latest line up for Im a Celebrity, get Me Out of Here, they will take anybody.


We all know what this is really about. Hes losing his meal ticket. He'll keep with this until Britney offers him more money than he deserves, then he'll drop it.

One more thing - If I was Cameron Diaz, I'd be mighty worried right now...

Boots Glorious Boots..

A girl can never have enough boots. But I'm being good.

Trying....

So stop emailing me shops with really nice boots!!

Look - I really want these These are my faves.

And they a similar pair
in black. But I have knee high black
with laces I hear you say. Yes, but
these are slightly different, the heel is thinner





And I like these too

Oh, and these are nice And in black.......

I know, I know, I really don't need anymore boots but it's an addiction, I can't help it. I'm literally squirming in my chair just looking at them.

I need to get out more

but then I'd need more boots....

Worzel Wasn't Scary!

Worzel Opening Credits



And Worzel with his love Aunt Sally..

Ranting

Worzel Gummidge was an 80s kid's TV programme in the UK. A scarecrow with interchangeable heads for thinking, dancing, and working, played by former Dr Who Jon Pertwee.

I have likened me to him before in blogs well past. I have interchangeable heads. Or, now Im obsessed with Battlestar Gallactica, I could say I am cylon-like in that there are many of me.

The Johari thingy I did recently showed which friends really knew me and which ones didn't. I also had some from completely random people I'd never met before which was pretty freaky. The Nohari thingy was probably more accurate as not many did it - chickens....

On the whole, the real me is quiet and shy. I hate confrontation and do my best to avoid it. I should probably stand up for myself more. I'm self conscious and frequently put myself down. I have walls...However I do have a wicked side I let loose occasionally. A handful of my online friends know me like this

The rest see a louder, more confident me. An extrovert Ive been called. That really cracked me up but I can see where they get it from. It's easy to hide online.

My work person would probably shock some of you. Im confident, professional but laid back - once described as so laid back I'm horizontal, I'm calm and collected in an emergency. I can also persuade any doctor it was his idea in the first place when they don't want to do what I want them to do.

Anyway, the whole point of this blog is that as quiet and unconfrontational as I am, why the hell do I let one person get to me so much?
I have just had the most stupid, most childish and most pathetic argument with her - again - on a message board on a site I moderate on. This unknown person brings out the worst in me. I try to ignore, I rant to friends on IM instead, but eventually I bite and insults fly left right and centre. She irritates and infuriates me to no end. I hate drama but once she gets going I do too. She's the red rag to my bull. She knows what buttons to press and I hate myself for responding.

I need to breathe....

No, I need to call her a fucking dumbass, crazy whore bitch from the depths of hell

No, really, I need to breathe and take up kick boxing or something

Do Not Disturb....

Its arrived....

The bad news is, on scouring the Sky webpages, it seems unconfirmed news is Season 3 will not start till January which truly sucks. Apparently you get a break in between episodes but we will get the whole series in one so eventually we catch up.
Why am I blogging, I have 6 discs to watch!

Remember Remember

Guy Fawkes / Bonfire Night

5th November

Only 4 more days to Bonfire Night - a decidedly British celebration and one of my faves - although I wish they'd tried to blow up parliament in Summer cos it's too bloody cold in November. So for you foreigners, heres the lowdown on Guy Fawkes Night

Stars in the frosty night sky, piping hot baked potatoes, and the delighted gasps of children as golden fireworks explode in the heavens - there's nothing quite like the magic of Bonfire Night.

Bonfire Night celebrates the capture of 13 men, as they attempted to blow up Parliament and the King in 1605. The intention was to kill King James I and wipe out everyone in government. They chose the only day the Monarch attends Parliament for the State Opening. The group were Catholic extremists who wanted to return England to the Catholic faith. The 13 were not led by Guy Fawkes but by Robert Catesby, but as Guy Fawkes was caught with the 36 barrels of gunpowder he is the one most remembered.

One of the conspirators had a friend in the Houses of Parliament and sent a letter to him, warning him to stay away from the House on the day the attack was supposed to take place. The letter was intercepted and handed to the king. Meanwhile, Guy Fawkes and friends, having formulated their plan, known as the 'Gunpowder Plot', had rolled 36 barrels of gunpowder into the cellars of the Houses of Parliament, and were waiting for the king to arrive when guards broke in and arrested them. They were tortured and executed by being hung, drawn and quartered. It is still tradition for the Yeoman of the Guard to check the basements of Parliament on the day the Queen officially opens Parliament.

Every year since then , their capture has been celebrated by burning effigies of Guy Fawkes on huge bonfires and by having fireworks. Children make life-sized effigies of Guy Fawkes which are called Guys, to put onto the bonfires. The English have been burning effigies to mark Guy Fawkes' treason for almost 400 years. The tradition started in 1606, the year after the Gunpowder plot failed. In these first bonfires, called 'bone fires' at the time, it wasn't an effigy of Guy Fawkes that was burned, but one of the Pope. It was not until 1806, two centuries later, that the people started burning effigies of Guy Fawkes instead.

Children make a Guy by stuffing some old clothes with newspapers, craft a head out of material, and either draw a face on it or buy a special cardboard Guy Fawkes mask. Some enterprising kids use their younger brothers and sisters instead! For a few days beforehand children are pushing guys around in prams, push chairs and go-carts, saying 'A penny for the guy'. Adults then give them money - how much depends on how good the guy is. The money is then spent on sparklers, or at least it would be, if children were still allowed to buy fireworks in the UK, so it is spent on sweets instead.

Fireworks that are sent up on Bonfire night have really evocative names like, Roman Candles, Mount Vesuvius and Golden Shower (There’s a joke there somewhere but I won’t go there). There are also Catherine Wheels that spin and Sparklers that children write their names in the air with.

These days there are 3 ways to spend Bonfire Night

1. The cheapskate way is to sit your kids in front of the window and let them scour the sky for the fireworks.

2. You can take them to an organised Display – Probably the safest option and the one always recommended. But, its November, it’s freezing. The kids moan they are cold, they can’t see and the food is horrendously expensive. It’s also really noisy once the fireworks start so if your child hates bangs, they start screaming and you end up going home.

3. My choice. You buy some fireworks and Sparklers and have your own display in the garden. We have friends round. The kids can laugh as you light the fireworks and run like hell and if it’s cold you can nip in and out of the warm house. We cook some hot-dogs, burgers and jacket potatoes and eat them indoors in the warm.

Remember, remember the fifth of November,
Gunpowder treason and plot.
We see no reason
Why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot!

Guy Fawkes, guy, t'was his intent
To blow up king and parliament.
Three score barrels were laid below
To prove old England's overthrow.

By god's mercy he was catch'd
With a darkened lantern and burning match.
So, holler boys, holler boys, Let the bells ring.
Holler boys, holler boys, God save the king.

And what shall we do with him?
Burn him!