My Gulity Secret - (from the archives)

No time or thoughts to blog so here's my favourite Christmas blog from my old grab blog of December 2005 as found on a cool web archive site. Unfortunately they don't save the comments which were, to be honest, funnier than the post itself

My Guilty Secret

My life is usually filled with disorder and chaos. I forget things the girls have to do or go until the last minute and have been known to be up in the wee hours trying to make a costume for school that I knew I had to do for weeks but forgot about until a little voice asks me where their costume is for tomorrow. I admit I would forget to feed them sometimes if they didn't tell me they were hungry and god only knows how the hamster is still alive. Mother Earth I aint.

But in other things I am totally anal. In work, my charts have to be a certain way, my pumps have to be in order and if I only had the time to co ordinate them all so all their little flashy things flashed together I would. But thats not what this blog is about.

It's just this. The other thing I'm anal about is Christmas Decorations. Gone are the days when they can be done when the girls are in bed - they now want to help, and that just freaks me out. My decs have to be colour coordinated. The tree in the lounge is red and gold and the tree in the dining room is ivory and gold. Not too much to ask is it? No really, it's not is it? In fact it's not even the girls' fault - I blame school. Ever since they started nursery at 3, they have brought home hand-made things from school. Now, I'm not that cold hearted, they are sweet and I have kept everything my little angels have made me for every occasion, but do their decs really have to go on my tree? I used to carefully place them on the back of the trees so they couldn't be seen but that doesn't cut it anymore, Bethan proudly puts her gaudy coloured wool balls and her angels with dodgy wings right at the front and I cringe....does that make me a bad mother?

So tomorrows the day I have been putting off. The decorations are going up before I go to work.

And every day after this, I will walk past the tree and delicately shove one of their decs to the back, hoping they dont notice.....

I am a bad mother aren't I?

Missed Call

I can't remember the name of the film, or if it was even a film, it could have been a drama or something but I once watched something about a major disaster. It was a plane or train crash. As someone walked through the makeshift mortuary, a mobile phone started ringing. Everyone stopped and stared at the place the ring was coming from. I don't even remember if they answered it. I think one guy did.

Today it happened to me.

No major disaster but an unknown patient. Found collapsed in the street. As we were doing a lumbar puncture a loud ring radiated from the bag close to me with his property in.

There were 5 of us behind the curtains. One holding the tubes, 3 of us holding him in position and the dcotor working the needle into his back.

We all froze.

I was nearest to the bag. Answer it I was told, find out who he is. I hunted through the bag and found the phone. The ringing stopped as I tried to work out the unfamiliar phone in my hand.

1 missed call. 5 missed messages. Someone missed him.

Call the number back.

I wandered out of the curtains and out into the corridor, my mind racing. I sought sanctuary in one of the offices. I sat for a moment and stared at the caller's name. The name of the woman I was about to randomly call and say - say what?....

1 missed call. I pressed yes to call and it was answered immediately.

Um hi, did you just ring this mobile?

yes, did I get a wrong number?

No, well, I dont honestly know. Im Lisa, I'm a staff nurse on the Intensive Care Unit at the ______ _______ Hospital. We've admitted an unknown male and this is his phone.

I won't blog the rest of the conversation. I think you can guess how it went.

When I finished the call I felt drained, numb, shitty and guilty. Guilty for just sending someones world crashing down.

My job sucks sometimes

WLTM. GSOH, OTAH

On discussing with a friend how I'm beginning to open up to the idea of meeting someone new, the computer dating scene came up. He suggested I try it - I threw up in a bucket....

Anyway the conversation turned into a blog, as many of my random IM conversations do. So thank you Michael for this idea

I give you, my very own, tongue firmly in cheek, personal ad....

Young minded easy going 37 year old working mum who's slimish, kinda presentable when she makes an effort, smartish, warped sense of humour and competent in basic life support.

Described by friends as flirty, mad, dirty, gorgeous and has good ass....ets. Has obsessive tendancies towards boots and matching underwear.

WLTM man to cwtch up on the sofa with. Personality more important than looks but must be as gorgeous as Ewan Macgregor. Man with job preferable.

Actually, lets be honest - must have good job, car and own house with enough bedrooms for children to have room each.

Must be able to put up with me with a smile so sense of humour a must. A man that can have an intelligent conversation and make me laugh will be rewarded with privilage of seeing me in matching underwear and boots.

However if you are shit hot in bed and can cook, then to hell with the rest of it, I can compromise


Actually thinking about it, I issue you a challenge. Comment and write an ad for me. I'd love to see what you put...


Currently reading : Online Dating for Dummies By Judy Silverstein Release date: 21 November, 2003

PS I Iove You - or Maybe Not

Why oh why do they have to change things?

I got excited when I heard one of my favourite books was being made into a film.

P.S I Love You by Cecelia Ahearne. Ok, it's not Shakespeare but it's well written, gut wrenching, beautiful and thought provoking. And it makes me cry.
Every single time I read it I cry.

So, I read the synopsis - huh? They've changed things. Alright, I know they change things but they've really changed things. And then Ev sent me a trailer. It's hardly recognisable apart from the fact her husband dies and the letters.

I always dislike the Harry Potter films at first. I warm to them later but on first viewing I compare to the book. But at least with HP theres an excuse. They have to cut it or there would be a 5 hour movie (even though I could live with that). There's simply no excuse to change Ahearne's version - none. It's based in Ireland where the author lives. Not in the film. He's Irish. She's American and they live in America. And that's just one change. From the trailer it looks like the way the letters are delivered is different and even the bloody content of them has changed.

grrrr - bloody American writers - stay on bloody strike and take the time out to learn how to adapt a book properly.

Robotic love

This woman may have a very good point

But sadly, my research has found that a male robot may not quite hit the spot. In googling sexy male robot I got this

There seems to be a vital part missing

But sadly as always the guys get more...

or this

British is best though eh?...

Bra degree

I knew there was a reason for me having so many nice bras

I start my degree in January.

What? You don't see the connection?

OK, I'll explain

My degree - BSc(hons)inClinical Practice:Critical Care has 4 modules. Evidence based Practice, Clinical Patient Assessment, Complexities of Critical Care Nursing and a dissertation - Changing Clinical Practice

Still with me? OK. I'm starting with Clinical Patient Assessment - Respiratory, Abdominal, Neuro, Ear Nose and Throat and Cardiac. We basically have to do an assignment and a viva. The viva is the practical where you get given an actor playing a patient and you have to assess them. Of course we need to practice - on each other....

So, I'm going to be half naked a lot

So you see - nice bras are a major factor

Oh and it means I'm going to be a busy girl for the next two years..

Autumn Ramblings

As some of you know, Bethan and I like to go exploring the surrounding countryside by going for long walks

When walking we talk. Well, she talks and I listen. Today we discussed the science/evolution theory versus the God theory of how the world was made. Bethan also gave her thoughts on how different things would be if the world were square. Apparently we wouldn't go out as much...

There was time to make the most of open fields

And we were lucky enough to catch the sun setting

Factor X

Generally speaking I don't watch TV. Battlestar Galactica when its on, Jericho is one I'm also watching right now but that's about it

I have however been watching a programme every Saturday night. It's embarrassing but I'm amongst friends so I'll admit it

I watch the X Factor.....

But just admitting I watch this junk TV isn't enough. I'm in a quandry you see. We're down to the final 12 - well 8 now. Three have been ousted and the young 15 year old butter wouldn't melt in my mouth girl had to leave as an unfortunate happy slapping video appeared on You Tube. I don't actually know if you have Happy Slapping in the US. It's where someone beats someone up and its filmed on a mobile phone and then sent to others for their amusement.....

Anyway, I digress - back to my X factor quandry

Theres a Welsh guy. More than a Welsh guy, he's from Newport. Just up the road from me in fact. So, I feel I ought to support him in his quest to change his life from being an asbestos remover to being a pop star. At the outset I liked him. But now, well, now he's sort of crap. He's a sweet singer and a good looking boy. He has melty brown eyes and a fit body. But his voice is weak. It's like he's scared to belt it out. He's a softly softly singer.

So, that's my quandry. I've yet to vote because I feel bad. What if I don't vote for him and he goes back to asbestos removing and gets it on his lungs and dies? Will it be my fault? And if I vote for him, will one of the good ones go? And if I vote at all am I contributing to the crapness that is junk TV?

I also have to admit Im finding Simon Cowell attractive.....

Is it any wonder I don't sleep?

New Camera Lust

I love my new camera. It has macro and a host of modes for all different stuff and I can't stop playing with it
I had a play at my mums today

Here's my adorable nephew Miles

Jess messing about

Jess in her usual position - I think we were boring her..

Flower shots. I took the first and Bethan took the second. I think she took a great photo. Is it just me or does my flower look like a scary Halloween face?

Buffalo Soldier

Dear Mr Man on the bus,

My journey home takes approxiamately 18 minutes. Tonight so did yours. I understand that sitting for 18 minutes can be a trial for some. You looked very smart. Your dreadlocked hair was perfect. Your suit was immaculate and your shoes were the shiniest I have ever seen. You are a cool dude no mistake. I also understand gadgets are a must for any man about town. And your phone is a cool gadget. It too was a shiny black, very slim, small and sophisticated. I know this because you played with it for 18 minutes. It slides up and down. It works because you tried it - lots. It also has an MP3 player - nice.

One word of advice - the phone with oh so many extras surely came with headphones. Let me explain what these are. They have 2 small earbuds on the end of a wire. The wire connects to the phone and the ear buds go in your ears. You know, ears, the appendages you have each side of your head. One of your ears had a diamond in it if you are still confused.

At first Buffalo Soldiers was quite relaxing - its a jolly song with a nice beat. But Im sure your snazzy phone has enough memory for more than one song. On the 5th play, Buffalo Soldiers need to be speared by Zulu warriors.

People playing their mobile phone MP3s aloud in a public place is my new pet peeve. Especially the same song on the bus when I've worked 12 hours and I'm tired

So please Mr Smooth, shove your shiny, slidey phone that plays Buffalo Soldiers up your ass

Thank you

Sticking up for Britney - kinda...

So Britney lost custody of her boys - temporarily I might add

The media circus must be whooping with delight at being able to drag her through the mud again.

I'm not saying she's perfect or not at fault. But I'm assuming she's lost custody not because she's a bad mom, but that she can't look after herself right now let alone two under 2s. But what losing her boys is going to do to her mental state I can't imagine. I doubt she's going to be out partying

She's obviously mentally ill. Whether thats drug induced, I honestly don't know, but even if it is she's still ill. I'm not going to make a Leave Britney Alone video, I'm not advocating her having her kids, Im just thinking

Enough already....

Are you a perfect parent? I'm not. I haven't driven a car with one in my lap but I'm sure I nearly dropped one if not both when they were babies. But I don't have cameras and paparazzi checking out my every move. She drops 10 pound shes skinny and anoerexic, she gains 10 pound shes chubby or "fat"

I know, I know, shes gone out and flashed her butt, her beaver, her tatas. No excuses there. Shes turned trashy and a joke.

She's yet another child star gone wrong. Surrounded by sycophantic fair weathered followers all her life telling her shes pretty, shes a star, how awesome she is. Where are they now? Where were they when MTV made sure they made headlines this year? Who made her wear her bloody underwear on stage? Who drugged her up enough that she stumbled around like Bambi on ice?

Is Fed seriously any better as a parental figure? Did he fight for custody of his other kids. No, because a bit actress isn't as lucrative as a mega star. And she's a mega star because we made her one. Let's wait for how much money he asks for to look after these boys. How much do hookers cost these days?

In an ideal world, Britney would sort herself out and be a good mom to her kids. Fed would get off his ass and get a job and show his boys the right way to go in life. They'd grow up with 2 loving parents even if separated

But I guess that wouldn't sell as many trashy newspapers and magazines

Oh Mother...

Planning to visit my parents this weekend, I texted mum to check they were going to be in

Her reply? - Going to Porthcawl for Elvis weekend in an hour


Dear God....

Sparkle Sparkle

Crosspost for non MySpaceys

So my kitchen is sparkling - and now I am too!!

I fancied a pamper after my busy cleaning day so I had a bath, washed my hair and defuzzed my, uh, fuzzy bits. I moisturised my feet with my feet mud pack which is smelly but leaves my feet gorgeous. My skin is really dry lately and I'd run out of my usual body moisturiser. I picked up one I had as part of a set for my Christmas bran tub pressie. The accompianing perfume was lovely so I liberally applied the moisturiser all over my body. I finished with my cutesy PJs and I was done

A little while ago, while watching Q.I on TV ( I love it, so funny...) I glanced down and I sparkled....

I began shifting my PJs about

I still sparkled...

The moisturiser must have had sparkle glitter in it
So, now I'm sat here, writing this blog
and Im sparkling like a Christmas tree
I hope it comes off before my study day in the morning...

Susie Housewife

Crosspost for my non MySpace readers

I have a week off work

I am going to be productive - I am not going to go back to bed when the girls leave at 730am and sleep till midday...

Today - kitchen duty. A proper clean - I smell of bleach and need a shower. But it's sparkling. I also wish I'd listened to the helpful people that told me not to get a white kitchen

See..



I need to go wash that bit of wall again, I missed a bit - damn flash. Oh and the tile top right is not dirty, its not there, it fell off, thats tile plaster thingy whatever, I need a man that does - and maybe he could do me too....

Tomorrow I have to prove I can still be trusted to zap dead people with electricity - I have to love my job sometimes. But unfortunately they've changed the bloody Resus Guidelines so I need to study later

Then back to more cleaning. Oh and Im going to bake!! And read a book. And have lunch with friends. And feed my Who Wants to be a Millionaire online game addiction - I won a million today - sigh...

You are all jealous of my exciting life I know. Some people get Venice and an international booty call - I get bleach and a jaycloth

Cheese Disappointment

I went to "lunch" at quarter to 5 today. I was bloody starving but a spate of unforeseen little emergencies prevented me getting away. Patients can be so inconsiderate at times.

I meandered my way down to the hospital restaraunt, making a quick detour via the lovely scenic secret staff hideaway puffing area. Situated under a stairwell at the back of the hospital, we call it the patio.

I entered the restaraunt and the smell of curry overpowered my nostrils. No, not curry today I thought, I need quick, stodgy, comfort food

And there it was

Sausage and mash and onion gravy - yummy.
The fat sausages nestled in the fluffy peaks of white mash. I drowned it in gravy and made my way to the till. The queue was long and my mouth was salvating at the thought of the pleasure to come

I made my way back to the comfort and solitude of the staff room and sank into the uncomfy waiting room like chair hoisting my feet up onto the neighbouring chair

I opened my culinary delight, sank my fork into the mash and took a bite

What the hell..

Cheese

Fucking cheese

A hard crusty film of cheese topped my lovely mash - there was no mention of cheese on the menu. Not sausage and cheesy mash, not sausage and mash and oh, we've dumped the leftover plastic cheese on it. Oh no. Not a cheesy word in sight

I mostly hate cheese

This was crap cheese - plastic, stringy and hard, thick and strong

I began scraping the cheese off the mash, trying to salvage at least a little of my spudtastic mash, much to the amusement of the entering anaesthetist

"Cheese" said I, holding my fork up to show the disgusting thick glob of yellowness stuck to it.

Oh well, the sausages were fat, meaty and tasty and the onion gravy was a delight

Just a pity about the sodding cheese

SuperAcid

Internet Jim became Fireman Sam. Talk moved on that swiftly from love to childhood programmes
Fireman Sam was Welsh, he lived in PontyPandy and Norman was naughty. I showed Amanda SuperTed, another Welsh cartoon.
It's funny how you view things differently as an adult

Spotty man, cosmic dust and magic clouds....Superted was created during an acid trip

Random Sit rep

Because I have the urge to blog and nothing to say...

I get my new ISP next Thursday. I have been informed that I may lose connection for a few hours and in extreme circumstances 72 hours, so if I disappear I am not dead, do not mourn me. Also do not use my old email after that date

Talking of emails, this Gmail thing disturbs me. It reads my mails. It is a nosey fucker email. it reads my emails and those I am sent. The ads on the right of my email pertain to the content of the email. Helly and I tested it out by inserting vibrator into every mail. And rutabago. Which I call a suede I think, or a parsnip, I forget. However, equally disturbing is the little man that sits and read my emails keeps giving me a site - something like "How to truly know your man and get him to love you forever" - whatever I write. I think he's taking the piss out of me.

Bethan and Jessica are very happy in school. I know this will not last.

My work is paying for me to do a degree module in January. This is very nice but its not a module from the degree I want to do, which has much nicer modules. But Im going to do it anyway and try to swap it with a similar module on the one I want to do

I think Indian Summer should change to Welsh Summer. We need to change the seasons because it's supposed to be Autumn not Summer and it's so frigging hot. And yes thats Autumn not Fall - what a crazy word - because the leaves fall right??

I miss BG. The DVD of season 3 is out but Im saving my pennies to repay Helly. Oh and I still lust my camera. I have bookmarked the page and visit it frequently

yes I am drunk - shoot me

heres a lovely pic of yummy Ewan. I was going to post a naked one but bethan walked in and caught me and admonished me so heres a safe one

His penis was nice though, you'll just have to imagine it

and i have to thank Will for this i love it

it makes me giggle lots

Oh and my top search on my blogger blog is still living dolls - perves...

Birthday Video Blog

For Jenna's birthday today and Shaun, Alex and Jenn's tomorrow. Like a Christmas message from the Queen but from me....

Why I need to Drive...

I need to learn to drive.

Last night I had the misfortune of just missing my bus, leaving me with an hour to kill before the next. Maddening at any time, but after a crazy 12 hour shift I wasn't happy. Seems it is the season for RTAs as we admitted one accident victim after another - burst vertebrae and fractured ribs, fractured pelvis, 2 men with fractured wrists that went into ARDS following surgery - four patients, four separate accidents.

Hmm, perhaps I shouldn't learn to drive

Then 15 minutes before my shift ended we had an alcoholic admitted that wouldnt stay in bed and wanted to leave. Sedation took care of him but it meant I got behind with my paperwork and left work late

Anyway, back to the City bus station. In order to deter gangs of unruly youths gathering at the bus station, they now pipe classical music throughout. But its bad, dreary classical music played through a bad tinny sound system. Its also played on a continual loop meaning I listened to the same arrangements about three times. Now and then I walked 5 yards to the edge of the station to smoke a cigarette. This small cigarette was obviously a flaming beacon because it attracted all the drunks and homeless to invade my personal space and ask for one as well as some money. I needed a badge - Fuck off and buy your own..

As I sat there, it got darker and colder. I began to people watch, one of my favourite pastimes. The drudge of music wasn't working for gangs of teens with the telltale sign of ipod leads sat at various points around the station. The boys were like peacocks, showing off and parading in front of giggly, heavily made up girls in not enough clothing.
Alcoholic middle aged men and women ignored the No Alcohol signs and sat, or rather led, on the benches, pausing between their rants to slug White Lightening out of an Iceland carrier bag.

I became fascinated by one young couple stood waiting on the stop next to mine. Teenage, probably about 16, obviously young and in love. He was tall and gangly and had the whitest goth face I've ever seen. I pondered on the natural colour versus make-up and decided definitely make up. He was all dressed in black with some band unknown to me on his T Shirt. He was hot in a teenage goth kinda way. She had a denim flared mini skirt on and a short red shirt that didn't reach her waist although I think it was supposed to as she attempted several times to pull the shirt down. She was a big girl. Rolls of flabby tummy burst over the waistband of the skirt, white flabby thighs protruded from the hem. But she didn't seem to care. Nor it seems did he. As the skinny made up glamour puss teens passed eying him up, he only had eyes for the chubby girlfriend. It was quite sweet.

The bus station is due to be demolished and moved in the grand regeneration scheme Newport has planned for the Ryder Cup in 2010. We are to be overrun by American golf fans. Its all going to be very posh and modern and clean and nice. I wonder where they are going to hide the drunks and homeless people....

My bus eventually arrived. I sat and tried to avoid eye contact with the guy on the bus that looked like he wanted to chat. I was tired, I was cold and my feet hurt. As I neared my home I texted Jess to put the kettle on

I need to learn to drive

First Day Nerves

After much nerves, anticipation and dread on both our parts, Bethan's first day of High School is over. Technically it's Comprehensive School, but as our dialect sometimes like to switch to American, it's now known more as High School.

I waved her off at 730am to go for the bus. No longer a 5 minute walk around the corner, she has to get a bus. A big yellow bus, again a recent American copy.

Her sister doesn't start till tomorrow, today was just for the newbies, but she got up early to do her sister's hair "So she didn't go looking like a skank"....

Her sister also vetted her trousers, her school bag and shoes, making sure she looked cool enough to be her sister. I remember my sister doing the same when it came to my school uniform. Watching Jess rearranging Bethan's polo shirt and sweatshirt reminded me of Cheryl tying my school tie - backwards so the knot was huge with a small amount of fat tie poking out from under it. Of course when I arrived all the other newbies had neat little ties...

After a morning spent with her tutor, she started proper lessons. Welsh was easy says she, English was OK but RE (Religious Education) was rubbish - "because it was about religion and stuff"

She can't remember her teachers' names. She made friends but forgets their names too. It was in her words "A bit of a blur". She found the toilets. She ate lunch. She got on the right bus home. Most importantly, she wants to go back tomorrow

Tomorrow they both go. It seems weird to think of them both in Comp. My babies are growing up into young ladies and I feel I'm becoming surplus to requirements

This pic feels like yesterday

But now they are like this

And I feel old..

The Penis Blog

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Hospital Humour

So, over on Hellys' blog she's being her usual geeky self. And don't we love her for it

The conversation has turned to naming computers ( I think, I got a bit lost with the geeky talk).

I revealed that the computer start up login for my workplace is Nurse - a highly original one I think.

One night, I had to take a patient for an emergency endoscopy. The doctor tried to turn the computer on to do the report and asked the on-call endoscopy nurse the password. Her reply?

Bowel...

Sos, Helly and I are now exchanging emails at a flying pace with our own password suggestions for different departments

Cardiology - heart

Orthopaedics - bone

Oncology - cancer - or is that too crass?

Gynacology - vagina

Now its your turn.
And I really want a good one for the G.U.Med clinic - that's the STD clinic - crab maybe??

Summer Time Nostalgia

No rain today. The sun was shining at 8am and continued throughout the day. The girls went out and all was quiet. Of course before they left I needed to know they had their mobiles on them and they were fully charged. I warned them to let me know if they were going outside the village. I told them I'd text them for lunch

Different in my day....

We got up, ate breakfast, grabbed a "picnic" and were gone. We came home when we were hungry or when it got dark, whichever came first. Our parents never knew where we were or what we were doing. Mum probably thought we were at playscheme, which is where we were supposed to be, but if it got boring we wandered off on our own adventures. I lived next to a wood that led onto open fields. Huge trees that lent themselves to being houses, ships, batlefields -whatever took our fancy that day. the ground was covered by bluebells

Playscheme was at the log cabin at the end of our street. Open for the middle 4 weeks of the 6 weeks summer holidays to prevent bored children. Yes, thats 6 weeks summer holidays not 6 months like you Americans got

A solitary cabin in the middle of a huge field next to the woods. Run by bored university students after holiday cash and something worthwhile to put on their resume. There was an adventure playground in the field. I spent hours legs entwined around a horizontal pole, head down, hair in the mud with kids shouting at me because they wanted to cross from one hut to the other. Perhaps thats where I got my love of poles..

Deep in the woods was a clearing and someone had made a rope swing. It was called the Twirly Whirly. The leaders took us up there for a treat. Looking back they probably wanted to smoke pot or make out but I was young and naive and believed we were in for a treat. I was deemed too young at 8 by the older kids to go on the swing and now here was my chance. The rope swing took you high above a shallow pit. It was dangerous, it was daring, it was superhero stuff.


And it was my turn...

I had to be lifted to reach the thick wooden branch handle. 3 swings and jump off, those were the rules.

I swang once

I swang twice

I swang 3 times, gripping the handle like my life depended on it. I didn't really like it...

I got back to the bank after 3 and began to let go. But some kind soul decided the little kid should have a bonus go and pushed me once more...

I crashed down, down, down to the basin of the bottomless snake infested pit

Ok, so there were no snakes. but there was mud. Gooey, sticky mud. Except now it covered me from my head to my toes. I thnk the mud broke my fall because amazingly I was unhurt. I was a walking mud monster. And walk I did, all the way home, to meet a fate worse than snake infested pits

My mum

The log cabin burnt down a number of years ago. On bonfire night, hit by a stray firework. I walked past there recently, taking my parents' dog for a walk. The field looked tiny, the playground was no more. All that was left was the concrete base where the cabin stood

Childhood Milestones

Friday my baby finished Primary School. September sees her joining her sister in High School

So, one of the mums decided they should finish in style

Pink Hummer limo, drive around town, Macdonalds then home.

We kept it secrets for weeks. My ears still hurt from the screams as it came around the corner...

Sometimes its fun being a mummy

And yeah, its cold and wet, no sign of Summer yet

And its OK Natalia, I don't want you to hold her lol

The Dad Project

Inspired by a friend Ryan's video of family pics he made for his parents' anniversary, I'm attempting to do the same for my dad who reaches the milestone age of 70 this Sunday.

My dad keeps his photos in a big box . I told my dad the photos were needed by Jessica for a school project. I initially planned to steal them but they were hidden away somewhere in his bedroom so plan B was needed.

Dad passed me the box of photos but in his hand was a small, old, battered photo album I've never seen before. He handed me it and said "She's welcome to use these too if she wants. Ask her to be careful."

Inside were pictures of a little boy.

A cheeky boy grinning at the camera

A boy proudly riding his tricycle

A boy pushing a wheelbarrow with a smile as wide as wide

A proud father knelt down by his son

A father and son smiling into each others faces sat on the couch

Every photo was worn, corners and edges worn thin from loving fingers caressing them

A little boy and his dad - My dad, my brother Ian

Ian was killed in a car accident when he was 3. This album was full of love and memories of a son who lives in my parents' hearts

Sometimes you need a little perspective in your life. I got mine today

Music to Make You Weep

When daughter number 2 told me she'd joined choir a couple of weeks ago I just smiled. Less than 6 weeks till schools out - what harm can it do?

And then it came - the letter - The school was presenting a musical evening - An Extravaganza!

A concert...

Of course I support my children in all their endeavours but I knew this was going to be painful. Very painful.

First you have to try and elegantly perch your butt on a child size chair and then hope the legs don't bend before dying. You then have to dodge the mothers you don't like. I tend to arrive just in time and sidle myself into a chair at the back

Choir were lovely. Lots of little voices in harmony (almost). My girl sang with gusto and kept grinning at me in between. Many thumbs up were exchanged

But before choir - orchestra!

Little Sally* murdered her violin. Kevin* played the clarinet but in a different key to everyone else. And Recorders, who the fuck inflicted Recorders on us parents?

Then if the collective noise wasn't enough, we then had the solos

Kudos for the guts to play in front of a big audience - yes parental guilt, um pride, filled the hall.
No kudos for the playing..

After the choir there was a nice interval - I checked the programme and realised my little darling wasn't in the second half. So, I did what any other bad mother would do

I sneaked out the back


* names changed to protect the innocent

Smiling Salmon

Tonight I saved a guy's life with salmon sperm

Seriously...

And it got me to thinking - How the fuck did they find out that worked??

We've all read those bizarre household tips and wondered how they realised how it worked. Who discovered that if you poured white wine on a red wine stain, it disappeared. Was someone so pissed they managed to spill both kinds of wine and woke up next morning dreading the cleanup to discover they didn't have to?

Anyway, I digress, back to the sperm

Tonight we had a guy who had been given too much Heparin. In order to stop him bleeding to death, we gave him Protamine. Which is salmon sperm

So, I got visuals of the discovery

Picture the scene

A guy is out in the wilderness. Hes getting his kicks from rubbing off a salmon when he catches his hand on a rock and cuts himself. He starts bleeding really badly because he's on blood thinners. However the salmon shoots its load all over the guys hand and it clots off and stops bleeding.

Eureka!!

but then that brings me to my next pondering

How do they collect it??

Is it like collecting milk from a cow? Are there salmon farms with salmon swimming around, suckers attached to their winkies?

Hey - Do salmon even have winkies?

Do they then die with a smile on their face and we then eat them?
God, the visuals.....

I also discovered this whilst googling

Hmmm, Pacific Northwest eh..... - who are they running from?

Shopping for Dummies

Tips For Shopping with a Teenage Girl

1. Don't bother talking to them - they have headphones in. They don't want to talk to you anyway..

2. If they walk away suddenly, don't follow, it means they have seen someone they know and don't wish to be seen with their mother.

3. If they try something on and you hate it, they will love it - this also works the other way. Best just say nothing. Unless its really expensive, then enthuse how much you like it and may buy it for yourself...

4. Don't cringe at the size of the shorts they want - remember you were a teen once too. Also, don't wonder out loud why the smaller the shorts are, the more they cost..

5. If something is "the beast" or "sick" apparently that's good

6. Lets buy a new outfit means I want the outfit plus new shoes plus new underwear plus a belt plus jewellery plus a hairband - it has to match...

7. Don't even try arguing over their choices - just get your card out, that's what you are there for

8. When they exclaim how quickly they put together their new ensemble, bite back the urge to strangle them and tell them you don't think 5 hours is quick

9. Don't even think of trying to buy other things when on the shopping trip. They don't want to buy a new shower curtain and will huff and puff the whole time

10. When home, sit and be happy you've just spent some quality time with your precious little girl.....

Life Update..

I know I havent blogged for a while.

I know my friends are worried about me and threatening to fly over to sort me out...

You say Im not blogging, not communuicating and being anti social and I know you're probably right, but I am trying....

I still need to sort my head out, sort my life out. But Im still hurting and it's not going away. I'm sorry my emotions didn't know I was supposed to be ok after 2 months, I guess noone explained that to them or me

But until Im ready to blog again heres some eye candy...

Yummy....

Tranquility

The hospital I have my physio at is a sister hospital to where I work and is just a short walk away - all uphill unfortunately but with the sun shining today it was a pleasant break from the stuffy unit. Between the 2 sites is a park and I have never actually been in there. But today pain finished my physio a little early so I made the most of my few minutes freedom and took a peek. I have to go back to explore further. This was as I walked through the gates

And this was found a few seconds later, to the right where you can see the pink brick paving

I sat on a bench in the sun and took a couple of minutes to reflect on life

Then went back to the grindstone

All in the Mind

"Some people don't like strawberries"

"yeah well, they're stupid"

Our senses can evoke memories we thought we had forgotten or repressed. A smell, a song, a picture can bring me visions of things that make me smile or make me sad.

The faintest whiff of Lily of the Valley reminds me of my nan, childhood memories of a safe place, a warm place, a sanctuary.
The sound or sight of ball on willow takes me to my childhood summers, weekends of far flung places and my dad the hero taking wicket after wicket in village cricket.
80s songs and I'm at my teenage stage - boys and secrets and friends

Summer's approaching and everywhere it seems, strawberries are determined I will see them and remember

Strawberries and cream

and I remember

My Little Man Loves Me

Penblwydd Hapus

Its my birthday tomorrow so I'm asking you for a pressie. It's not a big request and I know you all love me and will fufil my every wish.

So

I want a birthday kiss

from all of these.

Thanks.....